Stories from outside your window part 10 (Epilogue)

INTRO.

The hospital was packed. The sudden explosion heard half hour back had been the result of a bomb planted at a mall. And hence it was saturday, the hospital personnel could expect lots of kids injured. Doctors running around, phones buzzing, ambulances blazing their sirens, trainees showing their skills and left-out patients formed a chaotic scenery inside the halls and outside the sanitary building.
The hospital had always been lacking any serious funds for beds and latest technology, now that was even more evident.
The blow of the explosion not only had scared her, but probably her fetus as well. She was pregnant, 5 months in, and had passed by her doctor for a check-up. Her husband must've been on his way, blocked in traffic. The shockwave that came with the loud bang had damaged the right wing of the facility, forcing her doctor to move her in the part of the hospital that was receiving the victims of the mall.
-I'm sorry Mary, but we're kind of busy, I'll be with you soon!..said the heavy-breathing doctor. He exited the room as fast as he had made his appearence.
The ambulances had been bringing lots of injured and corpses too. The morgue personnel were now attending patients. Bodies stacked on other bodies waited to be examined and autopsied. The cause of death was obvious, but law was law.The woman was getting impatient. She was aware she couldn't get out the hospital whistling. There'd be too much chaos on the streets, besides another bomb, thus another explosion, would be a certainty. Staying in the hospital was a much better idea. Soon, her room got ''flooded'' with hit-by-debris kids, burnt people, all yelling and screaming in a mutual language, but making it sound like Tower of Babel. Her doctor had returned to the room, trying to take care of as many people as possible, patching injuries and administrating drugs.
-I'll be with you in a moment, Mary! Hold on!
The blood on people's faces, hands or clothes had made her faint.
In the whole confusion and velocity of events, she finally had gotten her pregnancy shot, while she was still unconscious.With the same syringe the doctor had taken care of administrating fluid medicine to near-dying explosion victims.
She hadn't gotten the virus herself, but after giving birth, her son was diagnosed as HIV positive.
A life had ended before it had even begun. A future torn apart by something she didn't understand. An existence lost to posterity.
She had named him Jesus, she didn't know if he'd get to see his 33rd birthday, he was in God's hands now......


SIDE A.(The happenings)
1.
The man entered the doctor's office. He was in his forties, casual clothed. He shook the doctor's hand and got seated in the big patient's armchair.
-So, what is it doc? We've seen each other three days ago. What's the big news?
The doctor took a deep breath.
-Well, I don't know how to tell you this, but you ain't doing too well health-wise.....
The man stared at his doctor, slightly grinning.
-C'mon doc, tell me what it is. What? Prostate, infertility, what?
-You've got lung cancer, not curable. You won't die tomorrow, but you won't celebrate Christmas either. I'm sorry, I've double-checked the test results and there's nothing I can do...I'm sorry...
The doctor's tone was cold and hollow, giving the man chills down the spine. He got up, grin absent, not looking the doctor in the eye and left the office.Upon exiting the private clinic, his shaky fingers managed to lit a cigarette and he drove off.
It was pub-celebrating time that evening.

2.
They'd be here any minute. He hadn't much time. ''The first place I spot one, I'm getting it'' he thought. And there it was, on the shelf , in one of the small stores in the market of the neighborhood. He grabbed it quickly and straight to the cash register. The older man behind it had a strange aura about him.
-Don't do it, mate!
-Do what? he answered , scratching his head.
-You know what I mean, don't do it. It ain't worth it, mate.Just enjoy life as it's given to you.
The older man seemed even stranger now.
-I've no idea what you're talking about! Could I have my change, please?..
The older man handed over the money and the client's razor.
-Just remember, once started, you can't stop...
-Get a life, man! the client said as leaving the store. It was his birthday and he had one last surprise up his sleeve.


3.He was eagerly awaiting him. He had gotten the money, so now not only could he pay for another one, but he'd erase the debts with the ''House''.The Guy made his appearence.
-I hope you were not bullshitting!..
The teen handed him the envelope and said:
-That shit not only covers for the one today but you'll find some extra for the future. Whenever I call, you bring it, fair deal?
The Guy went through the bills quickly.
-Nice job. There! ...and he handed the precious bag.
-See ya!
-See ya!
They parted ways. They both got what they wanted.


4.The Vangelis tape he had put on was giving him good vibes, to say the least. Sun was shining, what more could he want? He hadn't spent a great night but today seemed like it would make up for it. Her image came to his mind.He was seeying her smiling, something she hadn't done in a long time, at least not in his presence. It felt like she'd appear in the middle of the road. Then, his eyes became blurry and couldn't distinguish traffic anymore.
His foot fell heavy on the acceleration pedal.


5.With tears in her eyes, she torn the pages of the notebook. Pages of sin, pages of herself being sold, pages of herself becoming less and less a person and more a mere object. She asked the hotel owner to erase her name from official listings. Nobody had to know she had been there.Nobody had to know what she had gone through. It was back to quiet-boring small town life, where she could pull herself together and start fresh again.Her parents would understand. She left the hotel in a hurry , never looking back.


6.His head was buzzing, his body was numb. And all he wanted was some appreciation from his companions, that he hadn't gotten. He went out the room into the big dancing hall. For anyone in a normal state it would have been almost defeaning, but for him it sounded like music to fall asleep to,soothing for his ears. It must've been the excitement of seeying so many people enjoying themselves in his club that had put a smile on his face.
Just a moment later he collapsed to the floor, nobody minding him. His night was over.


7.A tear fell down his cheek as he thought one more time about his family. It had happened so fast that he hadn't even enjoyed life as a father and a husband. He was only given a taste of it. And lots of people instead were giving up on it, not knowing what they could lose.
It had been getting dark, he arranged the piles of papers and cartons to make his sleep more enjoyable, at most.It was the last time he thought about his family. He soon was to re-join them.


8.-I'm gonna put this shit on Youtube, dawgs! one of them said looking at the footage on his camera.
-That pig deserved it, yo! If it wasn't us, next day it's be him doing one of us. We did a good for humanity.
-He was twitching like a fucking chicken with its head ripped off......
They started laughing. The Gran Torino was not to be driven by amateurs, and he was less than amateur. The colour red of the traffic lights seemed like the revenge of the red blood they had been spilling earlyer when they met their dead-end. There was no high-school tomorrow, there was no more walk-ability for one of them tomorrow, there was no more group tomorrow.
They had been sent to different prisons.


9.The slick-clothed old man picked up the phone.
-So, is it taken care of? Have you got them?
He paused, listening the other end's answer.
-Oh, good. Go back at his house and burn it to the ground. I don't want anything tying him to me, understood?
He put the phone down.
The day had been fruitfull for business, three organs meant 50-60 thousand altogether. One of his bodyguards whispered something in his ear. He listened carefully and he nodded.
-Yes, ok, bring him in.
The man that had entered the office saluted him and took a seat.
-I've been told that you could help me...
The older man didn't respond, taking time with his observation.
-It depends what kind of help you need. Nevertheless I'm sure I can do something for you in exchange of something else, of course...
The old man grinned. The shit was getting better and better.



SIDE B.(The conscience)

1.''I really can't remember the first time I've smoked. To tell you the truth, I don't think I want to. I haven't thought about getting it, I mean there's millions of bastards smoking out there and they ain't having it. I just had to get it.And that prick doctor of mine could've told me in advance. It wouldn't have mattered, but still the thought counts. What's left now? To smoke my lungs out till ain't nothing left of them, fuck it, maybe that way cancer will go away as well.''

2.''Look, I ain't trying to explain my choice. You can't feel my feelings, you can't live my life, therefor don't make any assumptions. Anyway I don't think you could fully understand unless you'd be in my shoes. I've made a decision and I'm sticking with it. No backing off anymore, otherwise I'll be regreting it in a few years from now, I'll be going crazy or some shit like that. There's nobody out there that can change my mind.''

3.''What would you do if you were me? If you'd have an unemployed mom, a dad that doesn't call, not even on birthdays and no people to support you. You wouldn't know what to answer, would you? Cause you all live in your little perfect worlds and you wouldn't want it any other way. You see, for me, it's the same. I'm escaping this reality for something better. Drugs offer me this chance to have it all and I'm taking it. Where I'm going on my ''trips'' ain't no poverty, ain't no ordinary life burden, it's just me having everything.''

4.a)''It was wrong not to pass by her. I should've gone to her and apologise. How hard could that be? Actually, fuck that, she never did apologise to me for cheating. I mean, she did, but I don't think she was sincere, or was her? I'll never know now, will I?''

b)'' How did we get here? We started as a happy couple, there was a chemistry between us. Now poof, it's gone! We keep fighting like we actually enjoy doing it. It's stupid. I should've apologised, it wouldn't have been the end of the world...tell him I stil love him.Now, he'll never know that, will he?''


5.''It wasn't supposed to happen. I ain't got no other words to reffer to the whole situation. My tears won't make me feel better. After the bruises are gone, I won't feel better. Yes, I can start fresh again, but that guy took a piece of me and there's no way I can have it back. Sold merchandise is not changeable. What a way to fuck up my life, huh?''


6.''I don't give a fuck about any of your opinions. I've got the money so I can do pretty much every-fucking-thing. Drugs-check, booze-check, orgies-check. Now, go get yourself a job and stop babbling about my shit.''


7.'' Yes, I still think about them. Because I couldn't see me without them. I just couldn't have a house and a family. That's why I chose the life I've got. Besides, what does it mean to have a house. Does it make one stronger or a better person? I don't think so. Does a car transform one in a superhuman, I'd say no. People tend to take that too seriously. Without someone to share those with, they don't mean anything. And I didn't want to be like those people. If I'll be here tomorrow, I don't know , but I don't mind, it's ok.But do you?''


8.''It's survival of the fittest, niggaz. These muthafuckaz out there have got gunz and gangz, we've got to act up, nah mean? It was either us or him. And a dead nigger is always better than us dead. say what you will. This ain't racism, it's just our truth. They don't deserve to be here in the first place, fuck them, back to the sugar canes plantations, niggers!''


9.''This is the last chance I've got. Either this or it's dead end. It's been dead end for me all these years, I don't want my kids to have to deal with the same life as mine. I'd rather give my life for a brighter future for them.''



SIDE C.( The meeting)
They all woke up in one room. A blank white room, no windows, no doors, no lights, just plain white. Him in the centre, them around Him, forming a circle, seated, looking at one another. It was their first time they's see each other, and probably the last as well.
They wanted to shout and scream and speak, but they couldn't. Silence fell over the room. He looked everybody in the eye and spoke.
-The reason I've brought you here is simple. You're all been given lives, but at one point or another you've started to lose control over them. You've taken them for granted.Either that it's auto-destruction in Matt's case, or just something ricocheting from other people's lives, as Johhny here. But I'm giving you the opportunity to have another life. And this is how it's gonna work: you'll be sent back with another identity which you'll live until you've realised the mistakes you've done in your past existence. But don't haste yourselves, you've only got one life, treasure it. I can't choose for you, nor I can make you do something against your wills, but be aware you're given this opportunity, whomever doesn't take advantage of it will suffer its own mistakes again. Don't forget I'm always watching, in case of need you know where to find me: inside yourselves. There can be good from bad and vice-versa, the important thing is how you dosage those two elements within yourselves. And ask your hearts more often than your minds. Sometimes the answers are hidden, but that doesn't mean you can't find them. My friends, I'll be leaving you. I know it's gonna be hard, but you'll make it. Now, go to sleep!...
He waved His hand upon them and they went into a trance-like state of mind, only to wake up being them again.

His ashtray was almost full. He kept staring at it as if it gotten a spell over him. He had gotten a day off from work, he needed to think this well. He saw himself in the doctor's office receiving the news. ''Nah,I don't need this.'' The last couple of cigarettes in his packet were ''inviting'' him for another smoke. He took them and straight to the trashbin.

He had just finished to write the second note. The reflection in the razor didn't show himself anymore. He put it away. ''I don't need this.'' A few minutes later, his mom and the other birthday guests bursted into his room. He didn't have any surprise for them anymore, but him, nor them minded much.

He was looking at the purse. His aunt in the kitchen, talking on the phone. His craving for the much sought-after dose was increasing, but at the same time he looked at the other side of the coin, his young cousin being sick in the hospital.''I don't need this.'' When his aunt returned to the livingroom with the tea pot and cups he asked if he could come along to visit his cousin. No meeting would take place anymore, his pusher would have to trick somebody else, he wasn't gonna be a puppet anymore.

He hadn't had his drinks yet. Sitting at the bar he ordered just a coffee, drank it in a blink of an eye and made for the appartment. She'd sleep still, but it'd be worth it. On his way home, his eyes kept falling on empty beer bottles, broken on the streets. ''I don't need this.'' At home he finally apologised and made love to her in a long time. Things were going for the better.

She was outside the hotel, on the sidewalk, looking up at her rented room window. It was that hour and someone had entered her room,turned the lights on , making noises and breaking furniture. ''I don't need this..not this time.'' She had taken all her stuff in advance. Time to stop by her parents.

As the car was leaving behind the residential area, he stopped.
-What now? his friend asked.
-Get out!
-What?
-Get out I said! Actually I've got a better idea........ He got out himself, looking around and spoke.
-I ain't coming tonight anymore. You take care of Tina. I've got to do something, I'm sorry....Scratch that, I'm not.
-What's wrong with you, bro? You high or something?
But he didn't speak anymore, turning his face away from him.He started to walk up the street as his friend continued the road to the party venue. He could see parts of the city, the lights of the households or business' offices turned off one by one. ''I don't need this.'' When he got to the villa it was 5 in the morning and he used his parent's entrance.

He went to sleep. He didn't want to change anything. He'd see his wife and kid if he'd do this. but it didn't feel right. He could still do a lot with his life till then. ''I don't need this, now.'' He woke up and took a walk in the park he'd been in when sun was up. As he returned his ''place'' was burnt down, but he had another reason to go on with his life. Somebody up there was still looking after him.

The four friends met at their rendez-vous spot. They looked at each-other.
-Should we do this? one asked.
-Yes, we should, we don't need any of this.... the others agreed.
They threw the knife, the baseball bat and camera away and just sat down talking about how it would be the first day of high-school.

He looked at his sleeping kids, having to choose between a not-certain future for them or no future at all.''I'll take my chances, I don't need this.'' He never got to see the Boss' office, instead he spent the day looking for a job. Maybe luck would turn its face onto him this time.

They got together again in the same all-white room. He spoke to them.
-I'm proud of you all. Just don't give up on yourselves like the first times. You don't want to become this...
And he showed them dirt in his left hand.
-Be this!....he blew off some white feathers from his right hand.
-Now, take each-other's hands and remember this moment, remember me, for I won't be here for much longer.
He fell silent as all 12 formed a circle around Him, holding hands, forming one soul altogether.


OUTRO

The hospital room was dark, filled with damp air, drapes were closed. It felt like a grave, just medical machines bleeping made an eerie sound collage.His mom entered the room and turned on the switch. His dad had long time died. He woke up, opening his eyes, trying to smile when he saw his mom. The next day he'd be 33 yo, yet he knew he'd not make it.
-So, how's my fighter? the mom asked.
She looked worried but at peace at the same time. His words felt heavy, but he tried to speak nevertheless.
-I had a dream.....There were lots of people in it and I saved them from their fate . I gave them their lives again.
He started coughing. The IV's pumped medicine into his weak body, there was an apparatus helping his breathing and another one keeping his heartbeat rate in check.
-Easy son, don't force yourself.
He was struggling to keep his voice. His mom took both his hands into hers.
-I saved them...
-Yes son, you did...You rest a bit more, I'll go get some lunch.
She kissed him on the forehead. He smiled.
-I love you!
-I love you too, mom!
She went out the room, merely to catch her breath and let the river of tears flow freely on the red flamy cheeks.With her back against the door she could hear the flat-line signal of the machines that were partly responsible with keeping her son's life prolongued.
He hadn't gotten to see his 33rd birthday. He was dead physically for the world.
But the people in his dream were real, not the product of his imagination. He had saved them. He had given them new chances to do good out of bad, to start fresh again, to live their lives and not just follow a line.
And now he was living inside each one of them.Forever....



Peace and blessings,
Tuemckey